Forever

Look at my texts and there’s a thread missing
Head home and there’s no good night kissing

You’re lost in every mistake you’ve made
I’m lost paying a price that’ll never be paid

Be honest, how’s it all working out for you now?
If you’re “doing it on your own”, take a bow

And I still love you like a good man should
At this point I’d stop if I thought that I could

You’re just a tornado ripping things apart
My life, my dreams, my beating heart

It was all just collateral damage
So much destruction, hard to believe you could manage

So thanks for lending me something meant to be permanent
You signed up for eternity, then stopped paying rent

If I was really what was holding you back
Then what exactly have you gained that I lack?

You don’t get to choose how I still feel
You can be fake, but that doesn’t make me not real

Your last anniversary card was absolutely fitting
Forever” used to mean never quitting

Do me a favor and warn the next few
Forever is just a few years to you

Dear Future Love

Dear Future Love,

I thought I’d take a moment and write a letter your way
So much time has passed it blurs day into day
I’m sorry I’ve given myself to people who are fake
And that you had to watch them take all they could take
I’m sorry I’m broken because you truly deserve better
You see that’s just the purpose of this very letter
I know the Truth, I talk to Him every day
But I’m still lost, I can’t seem to find my way
When I care about something I get really intense
I just can’t seem to get myself off of this fence
It’s not just all of the loss, it’s fear of rejection
I choose to stay lonely for my protection
You deserve strength and presence of mind
And I’m just not there, mine’s left behind
I’d rather have nothing than head the wrong way
But I’d be lying if I didn’t come out and say
A future for me is something I just do not see
But I’m still hoping that one day you’ll find me

Selfish Prayer

Selfish Prayer

I’d really like to be happy
I can’t remember how that feels
It was a lasting feeling
My loneliness steals

I admit it, I’m alone all the time
It’s partly why it won’t change
I’m more afraid of the wrong thing
It’s all I know, is that strange?

I wish I could do something
I just feel so alone lately
It takes all the motivation
All the ability right out of me

I want to give myself to someone
And be full again, with everything good
I want a chance to love again
Please give me that, if You could

Send someone that sees my heart broken
And is patient with me anyway
Someone that leads the simple life
And wants me around, every day

I’d like my faith to paint a picture
Tell You exactly what I see
Truth is, I don’t know anymore
Maybe this is all You have for me

I keep wondering why
Why’d You make me this way?
I want more than anything to love
And You’ve taken it away

Color

Color

I just want something to mean something to me
This gray aura is everywhere – it’s all I see
I know there has to be something still pumping my blood
But I haven’t felt it in forever, I’m stuck in the mud
Everything in life seems to be a distraction
And I’m missing out on years – due to inaction
I guess I find more purpose in people than I’d like to admit
But I’ve been burned so many times I just want to quit
I’d rather be alone than do the wrong thing
Be half the man I was, plus the baggage I’d bring
I’m spinning my wheels, I feel defeated
Help is not wanted, but I guess maybe it’s needed
My heart hasn’t skipped a beat in so long
And every night home alone just feels so wrong
I finally found something I’m truly afraid of
Growing old alone, the absence of love
I don’t want it to be what fixes me
But it would add some color to everything I see

 

7/19/19