It’s simple, really. Everything bad that people do in relationships stems from something
bad that happened to them.
It’s not an excuse. It’s not a defense of the indefensible that some people do. It’s just a glaring, obvious motive. It’s the reason.
It doesn’t make the bad thing right, but it might help someone understand.
How are you supposed to feel when you’ve never met your dad because he left before you can remember? How do you behave when you were abused and it makes you scared of intimacy? How are you supposed to feel every day after someone you care about left you?
Why did the dad leave?
Because he didn’t experience anything different himself.
Why did the abuser do what they did?
Because someone hurt them.
Why did she leave?
Because someone left her.
We are changed by what happens to us. We project what we are voluntarily or involuntarily surrounded with. The sooner we identify the reasons for the negative actions that happen to us, the sooner we can stop the cycle of hurt.
Care. Ending a cycle of negative requires deliberate, positive action. In order to make the world better, you have to go out of your way. Show compassion to those that lash out. See the behavior for what it is – the expression of pain. Don’t enable poor behavior, just have more patience for it. If you live in a state of patience, you’ll have a cooler head to be compassionate when you’re confronted with brash, negative emotions.
Compassion doesn’t mean a lack of consequences. Allowing someone to treat you poorly isn’t what I’m saying you should do. What I’m saying is, hurt people hurt people. And if you see it for what it is, it might hurt YOU less, and it might make your response to the aggressor more productive.
The world is a dark place. Darkness encroaches whether we like it or not. That’s it’s job. So the best you can do is to spread some light.
Look for the slivers. Look for the rays that break through the clouds, and when you find one, hold onto it. See good in people. Have patience for the pain you see in the world. Be generous. Reach out to someone you see hurting even before you’re confronted with a negative situation. Leave your comfort zone for the better of someone hurting.
The world you live in will change the moment you see the hurt for what it is.
When something happens and it really hurts you, forgive. Find it in yourself to identify all the hurt you have and address it. Don’t encapsulate how you feel and let it grow. Don’t forget what you’ve learned through the process, but the sooner you forgive, the sooner you’re free of the hurt you have.
We trap ourselves, you see. Others open the wound, but often we never treat it. Love yourself enough to let the hurt go, if you can. It may take your whole life, but the result is worth the journey.
Truth is, the more patience and love you show, the brighter your little corner of the world will be.